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We’re the 78th Best Franchise in a Totally Meaningless Survey!

By Brinson | April 25, 2008

Every year, ESPN rolls out these stupid “fan surveys” — because ESPN is the home of the fan, you know — where the point is to let you know where your franchise ranks based on several categories. Bang for your Buck, Fan Relations, Ownership, Affordability, Stadium Experience, Players, Coach/Manager and Title Track. Purportedly, the have surveys done. I tend to think they ask the 10,000 drooling morons who log onto SportsNation to vote and then tweak the rankings to make Boston team looks good their liking.

I guess it’s mildly entertaining, but the WWL really just has too much time on it’s hands. And too many people snowed into thinking they actually give a crap about fans. But that’s another rant for another time. Let’s see how the Cats fit into the “full, Ultimate standings” (sounds like something from Biscuitville) shall we?

Bang for your Buck (BNG) — 42 — Wins/divided by revenue from fans. So, like, we must have a ton of money last year.

Fan Relations (FRL) — 93 — Really? We’re eight spots below the Dodgers who wouldn’t let kids get autographs? Oh, right. It’s just “access to coaches, staff, management”. That explains why the Pats check in at 18. Because Bill Belichick is friendly. Get the eff out of here.

Ownership (OWN) — 53 — This is our second highest rank. I find this hard to believe, considering Mr. Richardson, well, kicks ass. What does he do that’s so “middling”?

Affordability (AFF) — 80 — I’m sorry. I have a serious, serious problem believing that it’s cheaper to go to a Dallas Cowboy game or a Boston Celtic game than a Carolina Panther game. I just do.

Stadium Experience (STD) — 86 — I’m not justifying anything now, just based on the acronym used here.

Players (PLA) — 102 — Right. But the Bears, with Rex Grossman and Cedric Benson, are 85. Sure.

Coach/Manager (CCH) — 83 — Dusty Baker checks in at 77 here, folks. Let’s move on.

Title Track (TTR) — 68 — Really? We’re that freaking high? And the Giants are 31? Sheesh.

So, to sum up, ESPN’s surveys are stupid. Thanks for particpating.